I am a horrible proof reader. So, no, I'm not going to proof read my own words, past running the spell check...so quit asking. I'm not that dedicated to my art or my reputation either, for that matter. And, in the morning with my coffee and cigarette...well, those items are too hard to put down for the act of re-reading my post for crimes against the English language that I may have committed.
My birthday is approaching. People have been asking me what I wanted, for the past couple of days.
Last night, I dreamed that I received a big, fat check in the mail from my father. (Note, extremely unlikely.) Dreams are a funny lot. In the same dream, Bob Bullock (?) was sitting in my living room with a few strippers that I used to work with, one of which had cancer. We were all very worried. I could only see Bob's back, and when he turned around he was a cheery gay man. It was raining outside, and there were lots of bright green plants everywhere.
Whatever, analyze if you must. I'm not going to do that today either, at least, on this point.
At work, I did somehow manage the subtle art of having my birthday date removed from the "Birthday/Having Cake" list. A feat, in past years that seemed impossible. I do hate having cake at the office. We never get to really choose what cake we want for our special day. I prefer banana cream pie, or the cheapest white cake with the old recipe, lard and sugar icing.
With the high dollar people that I work with, who are all counting their carbs and separating their fat types...well, those birthday choices just wouldn't fly. And I have to stand around and share it with a bunch of people who don't really know anything personal about me, and don't give a fuck to learn. The birthday song sung to me, off key and mumbled by the hassle of it, all the while, eyeing MY cake...So, I have long wished not to be on that list. It's just creepy. It just seems unnatural and makes me not feel so good. I have finally succeeded in escape. For this, I believe things are on the upswing for the year's end. It's all terribly exciting.
This year...I don't really want anything. Maybe some homeade stuff or some CDs, stuff like that. I really can't think of anything. When I said outloud that I didn't really want anything for my birthday...jeez, did I get some weird looks. Is it an absolute must that you have to celebrate your birthday for the sake of other people? Is it? I'm not sad or depressed or anything...I just can't think of stuff that I want this year. It's feeling like a rather unremarkable birthday year. That's all.
I'll come through on another year with a party or something, I'm sure. Not to worry.
Ok, enough about that.
I did help the woman, who I previously posted about, who was without electricity...in the cold. I searched some sites, and found some not very well published loopholes in the system. There is always a fucking loophole. It was buried pretty good. Even a lawyer that I know couldn't find it, and wasn't aware of it.
This loophole system goes to the heart of the problem with our society really. This year was an extremely costly year with high energy prices. And we do not have a "living wage" instituted. There are more homeless than ever. It's very cold outside. Therefore, we have put dollar signs on the level of human comfort. Can't pay...then get sick, go ahead, loose your home, it's okay to die...there's always someone to replace you in the workforce. That's what we're saying.
We are saying...Unless, you can find the loophole in the system. Unless you have sociopathic tendencies...sociopathic traits in you, and you can bend the rules, find the loophole, make the argument convincing...make the argument seem like it was "the man's" idea after all...Then you can't be safe, and can't have a warm home.
So, do I know that I probably has sociopathic tendencies? Yeah, I know. And while this woman is sitting in her home with the heat and the lights on, I'm not feeling remorseful about bending the rules....yet, another trait of sociopathic behavior. No remorse.
I looked it up, just to check. I do fit some of the criteria. Although, I have not been to prison. I did go to jail once for unpaid traffic tickets...I won't be doing that again. (Everything you've heard about the bologna sandwiches, the flip flops, the bright orange jumpers, the scratchy blankets...all true.) And there seems to be a trend with this diagnosis. I know several people who meet the criteria listed. In fact, most of the free thinkers I know match this criteria. So, perhaps we should band together for the good of humanity. Rule Benders Unite!!!!!
Maybe I am making light of the diagnosis, but you cannot help but see the strikingly fantastic resemblance to the larger population in need of finding the loopholes, the number of people in prisons growing, the homeless, the power people, and the diagnosis.
Are we not responsible for this upswing of being in need of finding the loopholes disguised as mental illness?
So, there it is...the quality that Bush, me, and the homeless man standing at my street corner all have in common.
That's a swift kick in the ole happy birthday pants.
Well, shit.
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