Did you know that this is real:
The Paradox of Choice Theory: "Why more is really Less" is book by American psychologist Barry Schwartz. It's about consumer choice in America and the anxiety it all can bring. I'll get to the relevance of this in a minute, not to worry.
I'm newly out in the world, single again. I'm probably still feeling a bit bruised from the whole mess that led me to being single again, in the first place. I did get the carpet pulled out from under me, on that one. Right the fuck out from under me. I was like a waitress carrying a large table's hot order on stacked plates when I went down, everything flying and violent shards and hot stings flying to cover me, and anyone else nearby. I did think I had found my soul mate and set up home for the forever. Boy, was I completely wrong on that one. Just because you think you found your soul mate - well, the other person has to feel the same way, I guess. Plus, it's completely easy to view a person in the absolute wrong way. Lesson learned, or at least more study on signals in massively needed.
I think it was Plato that made up that humans were bodies with two faces, four arms and four legs, separated by Zeus for being pissed off about the whole messing with the Titans and thus, splitting us in half and dooming us all to search forever for our soul mate. Who am I to feel more pissed off at then? Plato or Zeus? I think it should be pointed out that both are male...Not in an angry way, with all the pointing...just an observation.
Hey Zeus?...Still mad?... Can't ask Plato about shit. Yep, Plato said all that he was going to say, he's already dead. Well, actually, I guess Zeus is, too.
I've never been that great at being a "dater" or a "flirter". Seriously, I don't get it. I think I go a bit Asperger on some asses. When someone is flirting with me, usually miss it, or don't know what to do with it. When I'm flirting with someone else, they usually miss it, or it's totally unwanted. Which is both awkward and uncomfortable for all. Trust.
And I've never been anyone's pin-up girl - that I'm really aware of. Could have happened, I guess. And I would probably be freaked out about it, anyway. I do have a fabulous personality. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!!! Yes, I am sure of that. Just so you get that I'm not putting myself down. I'm fine with myself. My personality has been my saving grace...Well, save when I'm waxing the Aspergers. It is rare to see a human with both, it is usually either/or. And how we covet those who have both. At least I do, lucky ducks. Those people never have to buy anyone just the right amount drinks to cloud their judgement enough to take them home and remain somewhat functional. Yeah, lucky ducks.
The point is, I never had suitors lining up asking for a dance. Nope, never a line. Or if there was, I can assure you, I thought it was the line to pay my light bill or get movie tickets. I'm just saying....
And yet, here I am newly single, and it seems to be like I've put out the "Welcome, Come on In, Have a Taste" sign. NEVER in my life have I gotten as much sexual attention as I've been getting lately. NEVER!!! And from the most random and unexpected places. I don't think I'm seeking the attention. But, it does seem that I've put an accidental call out to the Universe for auditions for the next penis-starring role in my life. It really will not pay that much. And the attention is all- just "Look at my Penis" attention. At least, I think it is. Not a one has asked for a proper date. There hasn't been any romance - that I'm aware of.
My dear friend thinks it's all very funny...laughs and laughs and laughs. But, this person has always had a secret love for the crazy. I am always happy to oblige and delight by dear, sweet best friend. And it was stated that the reoccurring penis signifies that I have strength and a hidden talent emerging. Really?!? I'm cool with the strength, I think that already, I am strong. But the hidden talent emerging? What talent?!!?! The talent to help random peni rise to their full potential? Seriously?!? Like that's even a real talent that anyone would want. Or, frankly not already be capable of. Rising peni has already been done. And not that difficult to master. Books and videos everywhere.
And why all this now? I'm still trying to sort out my house. And the rule is: "If you house isn't sorted, then your really not ready to have others in for visits."
Also, maybe I shouldn't be so grouchy about the attention, right? Why are you complaining? Especially when there's wars on and people starving. Yeah, I know how completely absurd it all is. Absurd doesn't mean it's not real, though.
While trying to sort it all out, and making sure none of the streams cross, the whole mess is a bit concerning. It is complicated trying to pick one, just one. If I was years younger and without so many important responsibilities, I would just try them all out. Yes, I would. I don't care what others would say about me. But, not these days. And I am a conscious human, I would never want to hurt a penis' feelings. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings about anything.
I am torn between wanting to just fuck a penis, and searching for my next soul-mate, and wanting to be left the fuck alone. I am having anxiety of the More is Less.
I will bet my bottom dollar that psychologist Barry Schwartz wasn't thinking about his dick when he wrote his book. It would have been more helpful if he had.
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