This week in a nutshell, can I put it in a nutshell...can you do that with yours? It's a hard thing to recap all the tastes and excitement, but I'll try.
My new job wasn't being so good to me at first. The computers wouldn't to as they were told...as it's certainly not because of human error...no it couldn't be that. Then our office moved done the hall into a bigger office suite, because we've grown. There were miscommunications abound, and a flurry of small disasters, etc. I was beginning to think maybe I was over my head. Then when I was complaining out loud to my baby's daddy. He asked it wasn't this something that I had already been taking care of and straightening out at my other job? I replied, yes. Then he said, wasn't this what I was hired to do/take care of/fix at this new job? I sheepishly, cause I knew where is was going with this, replied, yes. Well, then, he said, this is the stuff that you already know about, and where hired to take care of, and already know how to do in your sleep, and your stuck complaining?...does that about sum this conversation up? Yes, I said. Well, you're being a dumb ass.
He was right. I was being a dumb ass. I went to work with a new lease on office life the next morning. I took charge of my destiny. I made folders and made calls, and arranged office supplies....I prepared to do the work. Next week is the big showdown. I will begin to be the master of my own universe...within the office suite. It's all very exciting.
Part of my job is marketing. I was asked to do some research and make some calls. My boss has the confidence in me to set me forth on his public and get us some business. I on the other hand wasn't feeling the confidence vibe. This is a new business for me. I know little about it, actually. I left messages, and I then, did get a call back. The call was transferred to me, the man was on the line, the questions were coming, the panic was starting...what to do. Well, I bullshitted. That's what I did. I explained that I didn't really want to take up too much of his time, as I knew he was busy. And I, myself, had a meeting to attend in about 15 minutes, but I did want to talk to him.
I referred him, while he was on the phone with me, to our website. We pointed and clicked together, through the pages of information, that he was welcome to visit anytime on his own. I recapped bits of information out of each of the paragraphs, highlights, as we call them in the biz, on what we do. And this man loved it!!!! I made it!!!! He immediately emailed me his V-Card, and I emailed him back. We were in!!!! I set up a meeting with my boss, and away we went. I was finally there. I realized that I could bullshit, and it was ok, and it worked, and I could use this power for good instead of evil. (unlike my other job) I got off the phone, with a huge smile on my face.
My co-workers started laughing, big laughing. I, out of all of the office staff, is the least likely to have an actual "meeting in 15 minutes" about anything. And now, this is the office joke, about everything. But, they knew it was good, and they knew that it worked....but it is still very funny. Now I have meeting in 15 minutes about everything: going to the bathroom, going to the supply bin, going for coffee....that's really a code word, that everyone on my level uses.
Listen and you will know that if someone says that to you...they're really just going to grab a snack or perhaps poop...but it's very important snacking and pooping. I am learning it all! The other code word that I learned was "out in the field working". That really means, sitting on the patio of that over priced Mexican food restaurant, or the coffee shop, or maybe even your back porch. I've not really gotten to the level where I can use this phrase yet. I will. I am going to try it out a bit, next week. Test the waters if you will. I have a doctor's appointment, a haircut appointment, and an appointment with the acupuncturist on back to back days. I'm going to gather my papers and cell phone, etc., and explain that I'll be working from the field for a bit, and return after lunch.
I'll have to keep everyone informed on if it works or not...hard to say...I'm still new, so it could fail...OR, I could just be falling into line, and really look like I've always belonged there. I'm up for the office biz challenge. Yes, Pat, I'll take Office Phrases and Actions and What They Really Mean for $2,000. Ding-Ding - I win!
Now, with any good office situation you must observe the other office suite people and surroundings. Our new office suite has widows. Our boss was out of town...and we all took the best spots, over him, facing all of the windows. I think that I may have gotten the #1 spot, right in the corner facing two windows. Someone else wanted it, but she really has to be by all of our office equipment, for her job, and "her control"...so, I did remind her, ever so gently of this, and she knew it to be true (as she had made such a big deal about before), and she is facing one window next to me. It worked. The other office mate, will be "out in the field" most of the time, so he wouldn't REALLY NEED the best window spot, but he's cool, and does need a window...so, he's on my other side. Our boss has a dry erase/black file cabinet wall, and another big white wall...no windows. He's going to be gone most of the time, too. And, he wasn't there to help lug the office equipment during the move....so, naturally, it is quite fair. And really, I don't think he'll care one way or the other actually. He'll be back on Monday, and we'll see. I'm hoping that I don't have to give up my precious corner though. Maybe I can be just as rational about it and he will see it my way like the others did...hard to say.
I do feel special in my double window corner...I do. Maybe the others just let me have it cause they're kind like that, and I have a cane. I don't know...but I really love it. I can see birds and trees and the other smokers, all the stuff I love the most. I might cry if I have to give it up. I will cry on the inside.
I have also, discovered the secret coffee machine. This is not an ordinary coffee machine. And, frankly, I've never, ever seen one like this before. On the right of the actual coffee making part, are rows and rows and rows of little, happy, colorful coffee/tea/cocoa packets to choose from, a bevy of breaktime delights. I am in awe. And, as I've found the combinations, and possibilities are endless. It's magic.
You choose a flavor packet...like, let's see, Sidamo Gold. Then you look at the little maker itself. It has a screen that has buttons that allow you to tell it which drink your having. You push the button, the choosen button that matches your special packet, a special, secretly hidden, drawer opens up, you pop in your special packet and close back the secret drawer. Then the machine tells you that it's preparing the drink, in six, five, four, three, two, one...Your beverage is prepared...And it reminds you that your beverage is hot...so Caution. (www.flavia.net) I did research this on the web, as I think that I want one at home. Your brew time is only 30-35 seconds to wonderful, special, drinking delight.
I go to this machine to pay homage, several times a day. It makes me feel better. It consoles me. We have bonded, and have a relationship based on that caring for me in my time of office need. In my head it talks to me, much like Hal did for that other guy. Good Morning, Miss June. I hope your having a lovely day today. Miss June, On, Thursday mornings, you usually choose Cocoa...would you like me to prepare your Cocoa for you? Miss June, the Peppermint Tea is out...May I be allowed to suggest another selection for you? Etc.
Maybe even further in my head sometimes: Miss June, the bald man in the office next to you is really just after your favorite pen. Here's your Espresso Roast with an extra shot for better alertness.
I love this machine. You can even make your own foamed milk for your Cappuccino. I have taken the foamed milk topping and experimented by putting this with many of the different flavors of coffee, just to keep myself entertained and fresh. I know though, that I have to be careful that no one is watching. I don't want to be the office person that used all of the foamed milk packets, and someone in dire need of one, and finds out that I have used the last one, on one of my crazy coffee experiments....I was the one that put the foamed milk on my Hazelnut Noisettes. Yeah, I don't want to be found out. So, it's just the secret that me and the coffee station share, because, at all, that coffee machine is just for me, makes that coffee, just for me, warns me of the dangers of the hot beverage and the other office fuckers. All the caring.
There is also another gimp on the same wing as us. Hard to say if we were both put in the same wing together for control, or maybe the comfort of the other office people. I don't know. He's, of course, more fucked up than me. He has stubs for arms and I think fake legs...I can't be sure about the legs, because I lost my X-Ray glasses and have yet to find the time to send in my $3.00 to the special place listed on my comic book, but I think it's true about his legs.
I'm not sure that I like us being in the same area. One, we have to compete for sympathy...which I hate. I want to be the Special Needs Person, and I don't want to share. Mental note to discuss with the coffee station. And, Two, he gets all the attention anyway, because he has no arms and all that, and still makes it around. Fucker.
Three, he's very much in shape than I am. You know the kind. You know the kind. Those over achiever handicapped people...who prove that they're the same as everyone else, maybe, even better, all that inspiring load of crap. I've seen the looks when we're walking down the hallway at the same time. Why aren't you more like Stumpy? Look what you could do if you only applied yourself a little.
Yeah, he's a fucker alright.
He walked outside, with a friend one day while I was smoking. I had just eaten an entire, giant, Three Musketeers Chocolate Bar, the King Size version. The tsk-tsk looks were there. I fought hard within myself, not to stick my cane out and trip him up a little to see if he was really a fucking badass, and would catch himself with his stumpy little very tan armish appendages.
We will need to have a chat at some point. Maybe divide that hall and people up a bit. I will promise that nothing will happen to him, as long as he stays on his side. Stumpy, Gimpy Fucker. We are going to have to come to some agreement. My agreement.
Also our office watches the people, from our new windows. The view from my corner is quite spectacular. In and out of the building, the people go.
There are a few of interest that we discuss.
There's an old man. We think he's a Gumba. He's very Italian looking. And there's something fishy about him. Twice a day, he drives up, gets out of his car, walks into the building, gets a cup of coffee, does something that we don't know about, comes out of the building lights a cigarette and then leaves. We don't know what the something that he does it, but it never takes very long and it's twice a day. Exactly twice a day. Maybe his picking up money...we just don't know.
Of course, it has occurred to us that he just drives around to various office spaces and gets free coffee, and he's not really apart of any of the businesses there. We just don't know. But, he's very clockwork about it. I, of course, hope that he's not using any of the foamed milk packages from my precious coffee machine. And he does have expensive shiny shoes...it's all suspicious. We haven't followed him yet, but maybe next week.
There's also, a man/woman who smokes and wears the same black Beret every fucking day with that fucking hat. We can't stand it. We think It might be bald or balding, kind of like the Snickers Commerical.(If you haven't seen it...that will mean nothing to you, but trust, it's fucking funny.)
We have found out that It is a computer programmer, which does lead some credence to the weird garb...they all dress weird and think it's cool, they can't help it, really. But, we can't tell if it's a man or a woman. It has breasts, but it has big ass hands, too. And we haven't heard it talk, on account of the windows and everything. It's a long standing debate in the office. But, the beret...on the beret. I, personally have a thing about ethic hats. Only a few, select, privileged people can really where them and get away with it. I know that I cannot were a Sombrero...I know that. I know that I would look like a complete jack ass. However, I have seen people in Sombreros and they look just fine, quite normal...but I am NOT one of the Sombrero People.
It is not of the Beret People. And IT'S bad. And it's the same favorite Beret everyday...a favorite, sacred, Beret for It. I voted that no matter how silly we thought It looked, that we might caution ourselves about making statements against the wearing of the Beret. We don't really know It, so it's not our place to make the intervention. Or is it? Do, we as a society make the intervention on crack whores and bad hat wearing people alike? Do we have those rights?!? Do we?!? This is obviously a subject that needs much reflection before action.
And last week was the office suites manager's birthday. None of us, really know her that well. But, in the world of officey stuff, that's is not a person that you want to piss off, EVER!!! But, it's not payday yet, and none of us have any money. I said that I would take care of it.
I went home and dug through all of my garage sale jewelry that I never had really used, and it didn't really sell. There it was, right on top...the gift. It was a bracelet. I had bought it, thinking that maybe someday, I would grow up and be an officey person and wear this shiny trinket. I go through this every so often. But, then I realize that I won't ever be that person, and I have to get rid of whatever it is, and the cycle starts all over again.
It did have one very tiny stone missing but that could have happened at the store that I bought it from, that story that was going to be, not the garage sale pile that was the reality. I took it to work. We didn't have wrapping paper or a box or anything. I used my Ginger Tea box, and one of my office ladies helped me wrap it with a magazine ad. As I carried it down to the office party, I began to panic a bit. Everyone was bringing in very expensive, fancy gifts from all of the fancy places that surrounded our office. I gave the gift to one of my office mates to actually carry in and set on the table so that I could blame him later, if it sucked real bad. And our gift did look like shit, sitting on the table with all the other fancy gifts...it did stick out. We all knew it. We hurried to eat our cake, and smile and chatty mcchatty, and bailed before the gift opening happened. Chicken shit?, you say. You betcha'! Fuck that! We were outta' there.
My office mates weren't convinced that I had really done a good job with the "taking care of it". But, then came in the boss lady later. And over the next few days, again and again. She wore that bracelet for three days in a row. She loved it. And loved the wrapping, and really thought that it was special for her. And really, in a way it was. And maybe that bracelet just didn't sell, because it knew it's home was coming soon. I don't know. But, when she thanked us, my office mates were happy to help take the credit for the gift. It did work. Problem solved. I had taken care of it.
I must visit the coffee machine now. It's time. I'm thinking perhaps a coffee/cocoa combo for this afternoon.
The End...or is it?!?
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