I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed by the tears that just start on their own and won't stop, every single time I see you. How many tears is one person allowed? This is ridiculous. The make-up that I put on just smears. Why as I putting the make-up on? Embarrassed.
I'm jealous. I'm jealous that you are getting every thing that you want, and I have to pick up the slack, and rebuild for two. That I have to fix everything, and make sure everything is right on track.
I'm angry. I'm angry that you take no responsibility for the hurt and disruption you left in your wake. I'm angry that you see us as being friends. You actually said that. Seriously?!? How did you work that out in your head? Friends? No, not now. Couldn't be bothered to work on the love...and friends have love, too. So, no work, no love. It will be a business.
In time it will be a business.... strictly business.
Frustrated. I am frustrated because this is a normal thing. These tears and the mess are an average thing. There are websites, and books, and groups...all about this thing...this average thing. And I want this thing gone, I want this thing done. But, that's not how this kind of thing works. It sucks. It takes time.
I thought the thing that I had memorized was better and more special than that.
Boy, was I wrong.
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