The normal household items have been boring me like nobody's business. Just who is the Nobody we always speak of? I feel like I'm on the verge of something great, but Nobody's business keeps getting in the way. Nosy Nobody.
Yesterday, my helper's man finally went to jail. Oh, it's been coming for a bit of stretch of time. I'm sure this will not be good for me. She has been the best helper, thus far, but I'm sure since the 20 hours she works to help take care of me has been difficult for her to achieve any consistency with, it will only be gravely more difficult for her to achieve without her man. She only has an eighth grade education, and two very small children. This man only had to do forty hours of community service to stay out of jail. He did not complete this, so back to jail he went. Yes, she will be sticking by her man. And the cycle continues. Of course, I imparted my wisdom and connections to her. But, much like the horse to water, it is to be so.
There are other items I could list, but some of them are not mine to tell. But they are on the list. I hear you tsk-tsking me, because when have I even drawn the line? I will tell you the line has always been there. There is tons that I do not share. Yes, there are secrets that will die with me. Wouldn't you just love to know who's so important to me that I would keep those. Well, very few, very few, I will only reply.
I once read something about the Sagittarius females. The article read that the Sag women are often seen as more of the tom-boy type and that their feminine side is often overlooked by courting males. For this reason,
I have thought this week that I would no longer date or allow to court me, anyone who could not hop a fence and hold hands sometimes. I have no time for anything but the very best for myself now. Nope, no time. You may thank Nobody's Business for this revelation.
Why is this so important to be thinking about now? What is going on with me. The phone is ringing right now. It's early and it's already started. That pesky household business. It's a nonstop cascade of ridiculous petty pennies showering from the heavens of monkey business. And as I told you, I can feel it, that I am on the verge of personal greatness. And by this "greatness", I don't mean like millions of dollars or something all important to the rest of humanity...it's just for me, this personal greatness...the ego of it and all.
A friend shared an article/video of a professor who studies ants. The tiny industrious of creatures. To study their homes, their caverns, their secrets of society, he pour molten hot melted metal down their holes to discover their secrets after the metal cooled an the bodies scraped away. He noted that he took no joy in this, but there must be sacrifices for science and all. I wondered how the ants felt about his imposed sacrifices. He has not learned how to communicate with them. But, his death sculptures hang in museums. And he is known for his scientific contributions.
When I ware little, I already understood the sanctuary of life. I have no idea where this came from, or what influenced me to come to these ideals. I will give you an example. I was small and spent a lot of time outside with my bike. I watched the ant lines crossing the sidewalks. They were always so busy. And there might be one or two of the hundreds upon hundreds who didn't tow the completely straight lines....bumping into random other ants, who stopped for only a second, maybe half of a second, to regain the straightness of the line. I wondered if they were mentally compromised or just delivering messages from the Queen, large and safe in her bunker down below. I never dug her up to ask though. She was royalty, after all.
I grew so found of these lines of workers that I didn't want to ride my bike on the sidewalk and murder any of them. I felt very convicted of this. I was, however, not allowed to ride my bike on the street. I was too small, I was told. Fuck it, I thought. Well, not really "fuck it", since I was so little, but a pint sized version of "fuck it". And I road my bike on the street, next to the curb, very carefully, but NOT on the sidewalk.
Of course I was caught. And my father was so angry at my disobedience. He tried to take the bike away from me. But, as soon as I got it back, I just disobeyed him again, and again, and again. I survived groundings and spankings and the like. Finally, he asked me why I was refusing him on this point. "What was I thinking?!?!!" I explained about the ants. He looked so purple angry, and he took of his shoe and started killing lines of ants with it...slapping it randomly at the pavement. I looked at him, through my tears, my heart breaking for all of those ants dying from the shoe slaughter. I told him that spanking me, taking the bike away from me, would not change my mind, but what he had just done was murder to make his point. And I said he could just have the bike back. I would just never ride my bike again, problem solved. I would never feel the ride faster, ride faster, hope of the pothole, wind in my hair. I would just give that all up. It was better than having murder on my conscience.
My father looked stunned. At that point, he told me, that if I was old enough to understand the concept of murder, I was probably old enough to ride my bike along the street.
This is one example that came to me today, despite Nobody's Business. The example of my true nature awakening, well, reminding me that it's always been there. The nature of chosen sacrifice to be mindful of.
Today I celebrate the ants, who will out-survive us all, no matter how many stupid metal sculptures we make of their homes.
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