BC's gonna' take you out!!! I loves me the old BC.

It's morning. I'm thinking that my period is fixing to start...maybe...or it's the drugs that the doctor's have me on for the flare up of the MS, that I'm having now. Hard to say. Sometimes emotions are a tricky thing. One has to wonder if we're ever truly supposed to master them. I have to wonder, since we are a terribly ignorant species, if my dog runs the gambit of emotions that I do, and what he would say about them, to me, if he could. I wonder what if I tried not to box them in, not to file them, not to control them...where would I be. I do say more than most people, I'm comfortable with that. And still sometimes I hold it in, I say nothing. I say nothing because of the social constraints.....the expected, controlled constraints. I have to wonder if those really do any of us any good.



This week are our reviews at work. We have two, one mid-year, one end-year...the sum of both are added, and tied to our money. I've watched people who do not deserve money, get money. And I've watch people who did deserve money, not get enough. It's all opinions, not based in any fact. I'm actually beginning to really in my heart of hearts believe there are no true facts anyway...only opinions. Take history and science as examples....completely changing and evolving as we discover new things. We just made the word fact up, to solidify our opinions....bolster our own egos. We are good about that.



Last year, my first review was complete shit. Then just a few months later my review went up, way up. And everyone noted how much change they had seen in me. I can honestly say, I never changed one bit, not what iota. Could it be that people took a bit of time to discover that I wasn't this complete waste of time? Well, I couldn't say that to them, could I? I just took the money and ran. Good for me that I changed so much....good for me.



I don't want to do this one, this year either. Not unless they're planning on a big monetary surprise for me. Otherwise, I think that I'd just rather be left alone to work. I do my work, when there isn't work, I often find work to do. All signs of a good employee. Just pay me fairly, let me do my time, and then retire. It's hard for me to get excited about this.



I work with a group that are all about twenty years old than I am. Completely different work culture that they come from. And their desire to learn anything else is pretty limited. Sometimes it strangles me.



On occasion they will all sit around and talk about the good old days. Okay, not on occasion, must of the fucking time. It was so bad at last year's holiday season, I wondered if I should get them all shotguns, so that they could just end it all in the breakroom or something like that. Maybe the handi-capped stall of the bathroom...it's big enough. I mean, they really talk about the good old days. Not just a quip or two, but really like old biddies sitting on a porch, rocking and fanning themselves, waiting to die. It's awful. And it sucks moments off of my life, as well. I don't learn anything from it....well, except that maybe I don't ever want to do that to anyone else.



Last time it was about the old neighborhood in Houston, and Green Stamps. I don't have anything to relate about Houston, I don't like the town. And the only thing that I can relate about Green Stamps was that yes, I used to lick and stick them in the books for my Granny and my Stepmother. I got a book for my own for every five books that I completed. And when I had saved enough of my own stupid books, I went to the free stuff center. I turned them all in for a Dungeons and Dragons game set. This game set that was Satanic in the eyes of my small town, and I just wanted to see what it was, and couldn't believe my eyes that it was there on the shelf. I took it home, sat in the closet, opened it up, waited for Satan himself to jump out of the box and tempt me....and then.....NOTHING HAPPENED. It was so boring and stupid. The game is boring and stupid. I don't want to play like I'm a wizard. I would really want to be one...not play one. I was sooooo disappointed. And now I live on occasion by making fun for the D&D cult.



That's what I had to relate. The others stood there looking at me as though I had just farted. Needless to say, I dropped out of the conversation. I am not old. And I know others their age who aren't old. It really is a mind set.



Later in the week, we had a business lunch. They were all discussing something. I made a reference from Thunder Cats. Nothing....the table went dark and quiet. Again, I farted. They had never heard of Thunder Cats...nothing. Okay, I thought, maybe Thunder Cats was a tiny bit off the beaten path...so, I brought up He-Man. Still nothing. Skeletor? Completely blank. I brought up one other example. And then my eyes completely widened, and I let out a laugh. It wasn't on purpose...it escaped me. I had a jailbreak laugh. Maybe I was just surprised that in this office, I was completely alone. Completely and utterly alone, in anything remotely humorous. There was a part of me that was saddened by this revelation. Humor is a big part of what I am. I find humor in everything. And these three must just think that I babble like a crazy person all of the fucking time. I occurred to me, that this really may be the case, they may never get any humorous remark that I make. I am the office babbling idiot.



The third and most horrific example of the old biddies this week, was the Aloha themed business lunch that we had to Pot Luck something to. Jesus, it sucked. I brought ham and Ambrosia Salad. One of the old biddies started telling me that this was not Ambrosia Salad, that it was, in fact, Heavenly Hash. BECAUSE, that was how her mother made it. I noted that I got this recipe out of the Betty Crocker's cookbook, an old Biddie favorite, with tried and true, traditional recipes. She wouldn't let up. I also noted that I looked it up online to see if there was any variations on the recipe that I might like to try. Yep, it was Ambrosia Salad, and definitely not Heavenly Hash, as per the THOUSANDS OF ONLINE RECIPES. She STILL would not let up on me about this, and noted it loudly in the fucking Aloha themed, joke of a business meeting, in order to somehow make herself and her crazy, fucking recipes up, mother, look like the be all and end all of recipes for Ambrosia Salad....as though, this was some delicacy that took some sort of sacred knowledge about to make. It's a fast, easy, white trash short cut to cooking anything of merit, and I took it, only because I wasn't really in the mood to cook for an Aloha themed business meeting. What- are you kidding me?!?!???!!!!



Now, I could have taken the high road. I could have not let it bother me. But, true to my nature, I didn't. The fact that I had to make something, show up, decorate, and all of this had nothing to do with anything business, deeply bothered me. I was not getting paid extra for the effort, I didn't like these people.....there was nothing redeeming about it. I wanted to by this giant, blown-up monkey that I had seen on sale. But was told that this would be inappropriate, and there aren't any monkeys on the islands, anyways. WHAT?!? It's true, I was told that. I was hard not to buy it, and just put it in my passenger seat and drive it to and from work every day. I am still considering this. I digress.



I noted where I got the recipe, that in fact, in Betty's Cookbook, there was no such thing has Heavenly Hash. And the thousands of recipes out there....that all said AMBROSIA SALAD....this was just like them, the crap that I made. AND perhaps, just perhaps, her mother was either a bit off, didn't actually know how to cook, or maybe, just maybe, called it Heavenly Hash to confuse her daughter about food for the rest of her life so much that she would be doomed to bring it up and to the attention of everyone at every time, she felt that there had been a food injustice done. But, whatever. The room went silent for a moment. Then we ate, and the salad was eaten, and the woman only brought up her point about fifty million more times, but it didn't matter, everyone would see her for the sad, pathetic salad lady after that. I had won. Don't mess with me and Betty. Betty will fuckin' take you out!!!! You and your crazy ass mother!



See, that there was the other part of me, that part of me that makes fun of the D&D people and obsessed salad people. The part of me that maybe wants to take back part of the office that should be rightfully mine. I do get tired of the high and mighty thumbing their noses at me, sometimes treating this grown up like a baby...boo-hoo....it's really not me. It's them, they do not understand any reference I make. Can you imagine? Going completely through your entire life never having any reference to anything past your own "glory" time, one's heyday, that only lasted maybe ten or twenty years? Shit, that's less that a person's entire lifespan. Why would one do that to themselves and them pick on someone else for not doing that? Mother fuckers.



So, I started my day off by hitting the office and saying: "What's up, Plisken?!" Oh yes, it's on now. My reference to Snake Plisken from the lovely cult classic, Escape from New York, and its' counterpart, Escape from L.A., fell on deaf ears. Once I explained where this one came from....this was followed by the conversation about how completely crappie these movies were. In which I asked if they like the Terminator series. Oh yes, very much, they said. I noted that those movies had completely ripped off some of the sythenized, dark music, and stunning effects from the Escape from series. And how surprised I was that they hadn't noticed that themselves...what a pitty.



This followed up by a few quips like: "That's a negative Ghost Rider.", and "What you lookin' at Willis", and finally, "DYNOMITE". I ended the day with a "One time at band camp....." All of which, I did not explain. I would be the office idiot and enjoy myself.



After all, my review is this week, and I wouldn't want to disappoint. And I can't die a small death in an office with toner, and files, and staples.....that just can't be the end for me. Holla' if you know what I'm saying....can I get an "AMEN".