I promised myself that I wouldn't work so hard. But, it' s weird...I can't really stop myself. Even if I hate it, if I hate it so much that I become obsessed about it, I can't stop. This week I buried myself in a complete waste of time that is my day job. You don't have to put your coffee down and take notes...you don't have to pause to analyze. I know the answer. It's all in the avoidance. I am a hell of an avoider. A voyeur. An observer.
Even right now, I am avoiding at looking at my own words and typing with my eyes closed. The funny thing is, one might think that I'm going to check my thoughts later, but I won't. So, this post could be complete gobblity-gook...like if my hands were just slid over by one key. But, there would just be some nerd who would figure it all out and would then think somehow they broke the code. (Not as good as the American Indians during the war though. Jesus, we didn't really thank them very much for that did we. I don't know, maybe by giving them more land and better care, honoring the treaties or something.) I digress.
But, just like most poor people with depression, I can only play hide and seek in my head so long. Then I get worn out and it bubbles up to the surface like a bad frito pie.
I'm thinking that today it's a curse seeing the bigger picture. I'm feeling overwhelmed by it. And Oh, I do a few good things here and there when I can, but in the grand scheme of things, they're shit. There is big scary ass stuff out there and not enough people thinking it through.
Lance Armstrong, Austin, Texas wants the State of Texas to "invest" in a cancer research center. It's going to be fucking billions that the State just doesn't have, if we do this, our State will be borrowing the money. I cannot agree Lance, I'm sorry, but you cost too much.
Then a read this article in the paper that talks about all of the toxic waste the comes from America and is imported into China. The parts are dipped in something to remove the metals, and then that shit is dumped into the land, and rivers, and sewers. There is a rise in deformities and cancer in children...their entire next generation. I just found out that my Aunt has cancer. We'll know tomorrow if it's the kind where she has a five percent chance of living or a ninety percent chance....it's going to be a long twenty-four hours. Lance himself only has one ball from his cancer. And my MS, they're thinking could be from environmental causes.
So, it's not like this shit doesn't touch us. Like this is something that doesn't happen in our own backyards. And China really isn't that far away anymore. What was that saying about shitting in one's own backyard. All those saying that we get to quote and never learn from.
Keep this place Weird. That's the saying around here. But, don't look weird or act weird. We'll have you arrested if you upset the developers. Those days are gone. And quit having abortions and quit smoking you dirty filthy fucks. Jesus is watching you. And I certainly hope you don't have any Mexican friends right now. Well, you can have them as friends but only after they've been properly tagged. Good enough for our cattle, good enough for our Mexicans.
And the two news stories that shocked me, only because they made the news. The one about the man who died Battle Dancing. It was sad that he died. The news led us all to believe that this was a highly dangerous, new thing, that parents and the nation should be aware of. We used to do this on skates at the roller rink, but I guess that stuff on Dance Fever after the roller skates has influenced people to take it to the next level and we really should be watching out of it. They're going to keep dancing in the dead man's honor, dispite the danger.
And the other story about the couple who found a bag of pot, a lighter, and a pipe in a Happy Meal that some teenage at stashed his stash in, that then went through the drive through to their kid. It was a bit funny to me. I giggled.
They were so scared and tearful, and we still thinking about suing. I would have almost felt sorry for them, except when they told the story, their little girl first brought them the lighter. Then moments later brought them the pipe, then the baggy of pot. Then and only then did they check the meal box. I would have probably checked after the first item. I would not have waited until my child brought be the pin pulled hand grenade. I'm just saying. These were top stories. Right along with SpareUs Hilton. Do you think she knows the word shank yet? Or being someone's bitch? There are lots of gang members in California, maybe her mommy and daddy could afford to get her a tutor or something.
It used to be God Bless America/Texas. Now, I'm thinking it should be I Hope God Doesn't Strike Us Right the Fuck Down for Being an American/Texan. I told you that it's been a long week and I digress yet again. Too much in the news.
So, is it research that we need for the cure? Or, is the cure in not doing screwed up things for convenience sake? How easy would that be? Well it's not easier for those of us who are too broke to buy the good stuff and are being led around the China makes everything ring. That's very similar to Ring Around the Rosie.
I saw a Vice-President of IBM speak the other night. She talked about the "Green Grid". I looked it up. It's a group of big companies "looking" at ways to go green with technology. It's very elite. It cost $5,000 to be a member, that's one's yearly dues. We can't just have anyone vote. I'm broke. Needless to say, I won't be joining.
This woman said that these companies were looking at automobiles, and making them smarter and better. I raised my hand and noted that I was currently working in the transportation field. I asked if they were looking at the transportation field as a whole or just cars, because the transportation field, the projects, used technology from start to finish and beyond finish actually, and the cars were just a one sliver of the entire industry. She couldn't answer my question. And then she stated that recently she had had a dinner with Jacques Cousteau and blah, blah blah....something. No one else seemed to realized that he had been dead since 1997. And no, it wasn't his son, Felipe. Felipe is dead as well. And his grandson was not named Jacques, and was not an explorer. She was a liar. What a shocker. So, this is who we have running the show.
And it is a show, not a show of hands outstretched in help, in honor....no, they are hands showing fists full of money.
You know who I do like. Who I do admire. Who I do think did something? Cindy Sheehan.
A recently read a post were someone called her a traitor, and this person thought we should "Torture the Filthy Bitch". I hope she doesn't take the crazy people too seriously. People who use that kind of violent language aren't very forward thinking. I somehow just get some picture of a God Fearing, Bell-Donalds Eating, Fat Ass in a Big Truck who probably doesn't read much or real good and hasn't been out of the state since never, unless there was a Kal-Mart sale in the next state over that couldn't be resisted. Probably burned the Dixie Chicks album and then thought the smoke was Satan, so put out the fire and took an hour to find a hammer. Now the fire was probably doused with regular water, not Holy Water, because I doubt they thought of or know any Catholics. And all the while, not realizing that Cindy Sheehan used the very rights that our country was founded on. And, she did something with those rights.
Having bought the land right next to George, who really isn't from Texas. (He's a transplant.) It does have to get a reaction out of him. It is not possible not to have a reaction as a human. Now maybe he has a reaction like the above quoted person, or maybe he realizes how badly he has hurt this one person. Either way, it doesn't matter about the reaction....only that he has one. In that, Cindy has made a point, she has caused a reaction, and she has done something. As a mother, I get it. I completely get that. Most of us cannot say the same.
There's a lot going on. And the bigger picture is muddied sometimes. But, I can't always just ignore it. I can't just do that.
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