I have nothing to say. I haven't had much to say for weeks. In the past, when I got to this point, I would take off to Mexico, or go on a drinking binge...but, I have responsibilities now, and am not likely to do either. Which, frankly, hurts my feelings. I have hurt my own feeling. Iggy Pop may have said it best..."I'm bored. I'm Chairman of the Board."
The highlight of this weekend, I suspect, is going to getting some new clothes. And not just any new clothes, no, not just any old thing. I will be buying respectable, boring, professional clothes. These are to make me appear to be the professional, that every sick fuck in my office thinks I can be, if only I had on the right clothes. Our President of the company is coming for a visit next week...we must look like we're doing something.
It doesn't matter that I'm tired from marketing my ass off. It doesn't matter that the people she's meeting are the meetings that I cultivated and set up. Nope, I gotta' look like a powerhouse. I'm feeling itchy already.
I hated to point out that I got these contacts, etc., just with my dirty crap on, and my winning personality. I hated to make that point. I hated to make the point that perhaps part of my charm was that I wasn't intimidating in my own clothes, that people thought they might want to work with me/our company because I wasn't a bulldozer in pantyhose. Just maybe, just maybe, just maybe, I was on to something. No, we don't say those things.
I also didn't point out that a talk, that my boss was going to present, that I had to label, was from a list of corporate words that I had found online. This was a list of corporate words that a website was making fun of, and I just pulled some of them off the list and labeled the talk. Everyone cheered at my clever wording...no one knew, that I had it in me, to use the big words. Everyone was so impressed. I thanked everyone, and turned to stare blankly at my computer screen, I just stared blankly...not really knowing what to say to them the rest of the day. Where to you go after such a spoof on the English language?
I do sometimes get a bit passive aggressive. Perhaps it's my only saving grace.
When we were all trying to think of a place to have our "team" powerlunch with the bigwig, some place that was uniquely Texas, everyone picked this fancy-smancy Mexican food restaurant. Everyone, stated how it was really Mexican, very authentic, from the interior of Mexico and everything. I piped up that it was crap. Oh, how everyone disagreed with me. And one person, stated that she had been in Mexico, and it was in fact, very, the most, authentic, that we had here. She was just a vacationer, a person who only went to the fancy, well guarded spots of any country. I replied that she was just a tourist, and I had lived there for about two years, so, I knew more than she did, and I was the winner. Yes, that's what I called myself, the winner. I said outloud, that I was the winner and I win. I also said that our President wasn't going to know the difference, just as she didn't know the difference, and it was a very nice restaurant, so what the hell. We weren't doing it for the authentic flavor, we where doing it for the shiny silverware and the service. Then I did realize that I might be sounding a little on the bitter side, so I pulled back the attitude a bit, and went back to smiling and nodding. Good monkey, good puppy, good girl.
And this week, I went to a marketing function for women and minorities. And everyone was so happy and gaining strength from eachother for being a woman or a minority. It was so awful. There is was, listening to this gobblity goo. And I smiled and shook hands. And at lunch there was even a rep from the Governor's office. It's an election year. His whole entire speal was just: Governor, Governor, Governor...Governor, Governor...Governor, Governor, Governor. I made a side be with the man next to me, on how long he was going to talk, and how many times he would say Governor in the talk. I'm not sure the many even took a breath or said anything else. Luckily, I was distracted by my the many layers of my giant piece of chocolate cake, so I don't think that I was brainwashed too much. Only time will tell.
I thought to myself, I wondered to myself, if there would be a time, in my lifetime, where I was just paid for doing a good job...just that. Not for my clothes, not for my gender, not for my color. I wondered if people would get that for themselves, so I would have to stop dealing with it. Not likely. It will not happen in my lifetime. Even now, around me, I watch people cultivating crap in their children. We, in this county send our kids in flag suits to war, a war that they didn't even start and know nothing of the history of. Just great. Just fucking great. Here's a gun, go get 'em tiger. All of this technology and science around us, and we are no better than where we were centuries ago. We still have people believing in ghosts, goblins, and fairytales.
You can look at the face of Mars. That belief changed just in our life. It has been determined to be just a rock formation...not alien art afterall. Well, unless you are of the group the believes that our trip to Mars isn't real, that's it's just computer generated art, and until you go to Mars yourself to see it, you're still going to believe that Mayan Aliens did it, to watch us from outer space.
And what about me. I'm bored. And I'm going to buy my powerbottom clothes for next week, to get my paycheck. But the lure of drinking until I puke, snorting cocaine out of the end of a straw in some dirty bathroom, and spilling shit on my powerbottom clothes, and screwing some guy, who's name I'm too screwed up to pronounce, is looming in my mind and in my heart. I'm not that special, or that smart, I do just truely think out of the box that we all put ourselves in. And that's sometimes a lonely place to party. Enjoy the freedom of childhood, because growing up sucks.
signed,
Chairman of the Bored
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