This may be a short transmission. I'm not even dressed for work yet. Seriously.
I've been seriously detoxing. The new diet that I've been on, well, it's not a diet at all. It's just eating the foods that I should be eating anyway. Man oh man, does it make me shit. And I have begun to shit on time, every time, on time. I have a friend that really monitors her colon activities, and when I tell her about this, she's going to be so happy for me. My energy is starting to be up, and my mood swings are starting to be down. Maybe it's this time for real. Hard to say. I'm not very good with any kind of follow through. Frankly, that maybe one of my charms. As least, I find it charming. Not so much for other people. But, I feel better, so whatever.
In the office this week, I screwed up on my timesheet. In an email to office headquarters, which is located in some topsecret state, maybe run by robots, I did confess to that screw up. I confessed to it all. And even asked for help in fixing it. I received notice back in the form of an email (which I totally wish has music or at least the Whah, whah whah whah song), repeating to me, the exact way that I screwed up (which I had already confessed to), and that this indiscretion would be let go, THIS TIME, but, THEY frowned upon this kind of action.
THEY. I had heard that word quite a bit lately. THEY. I don't even know who THEY are. So, I'm note sure why I would need to care so much that THEY are frowning at me about anything. I don't see THEY. I don't talk to THEY. I'm not even sure that THEY know who I am, or where I am. (or do THEY?) I'm note even sure that THEY are human. Maybe THEY are robots. Or, maybe THEY are monkeys, or hippos. Or, maybe it's just one guy named THEY. I just don't know.
However, it should be noted that THEY are obviously very important. And THEY can frown upon us all for everything. THEY frowned upon me. I was maybe a bit sad that I had made anyone unhappy enough to frown. I'm sorry THEY. I'm very sorry.
I've decided to make it up to THEY. And hold THEY in my dearest of dearest spots in my daily activities at the office. If I do not like the way some work has turned out, I plainly state that I do not think THEY would be very proud of us. Or, if someone has a bad attitude towards another, I remind that person that THEY would not think that was a way to work with others. Even if I just don't like the office coffee, I state that THEY wouldn't like this at all.
I have become a champion of THEY. And perhaps they will bestow on me many blessings in the next year. I honor you, THEY. Yes, I honor you, THEY. Since I do not have a picture of THEY to set us an office shrine to THEY, I have had to make do with a fancy stapler and some hole-punch confetti, and a necklace made of paperclips. I cannot light incense or candles at my alter to THEY, so I substitute with a pleasant, spray odor remover instead. (Not anything that really smells that might upset another office member. Most certainly not. THEY would not like that one bit. THEY do have rules, of which I can review on the confusingly laid out online intranet or my handy, bulky, hard to decipher employee manual that I was given at the beginning, which I think I've lost a few pages in the back of my car.)
Once when I said THEY to another worker, the worker asked me who THEY were. I was shocked. Then, I stated that if she was supposed to know who THEY were, then THEY would have told her. I felt like I had said to much already, and made my escape to another task, like filing....very busy. I realized that she really may not even know the secret of THEY at all. Even though I screwed up on my timesheet, I realized that this had made me a little special. I had been allowed to even know of the existence of THEY. Oh, the breath escaped me, and I hurried to my shrine to don my paperclip necklace and give thanks and prayers. Oh THEY, thank you THEY, praise THEY, Amen.
This has been a clip from my daily inner monologue to myself that helps me make it through the nonsense of the corporate world.
In my dream, I was addressing a crowd of Sagittarians in a festively decorated hall. It was the first week of 2008. "You are not yet ready for the wonderful things you think you want," I told them. "To actually get them, you will have to change yourself in the coming months; you will have to shed some old conditioning that is interfering with your quest for success. Do you know what that old conditioning is? Find out NOW! Figure out how you need to transform yourself in order for the world to give you what you yearn for."
I think he's hit the nail on the head. If I am going to reach success in my life, I am going to have to shed quite a bit of nonsense that has been ingrained in me. Prime example, determining my security level at a job where I am threatened by THEY. Yep, all the silliness that we instill in ourselves. Yep, has to go. I have to poop.
End Transmission.
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