The sanctity of the group activity.

I've seen a lot. I'm rarely shocked, surprised, embarrassed, whatever, pick the word.

I was watching TV one night, flipping around. One channel runs this sex show sometimes instead of movies. I was hoping for a movie. It was the sex show. I don't watch it normally. I'm pretty ok with sex, I get it. But, this time I paused. This time I watched.

The segment was on a group of grown-ups that get together, get naked, and group masturbate. That's right. They do not have sex. They only help eachother masturbate. There are safe words, in case you get uncomfortable...or, whatever. They have toys. They give the person who's turn it is to masturbate in front of everyone words of encouragement. "Oooh, you're almost there." "You can do it." "You're so sexy."

I personally never need another person egging me on. I think that I would find that distracting. My quite time and my imagination are good enough for me.

I was sad to note that they do not where sweatbands like most people who are getting encouraging words during their work out get to wear. And it didn't appear that this group had nicknames of any sort either...another disappointment.

They said that they found the group because it was an opportunity to be in a group that didn't think masturbation was unnatural or dirty. So, to me, by saying that, they all did in fact think it was unnatural or dirty when they were by themselves. I thought some of them just liked the exibitionism of the group. Although no one would admit it. They also did not like the comparison of pornography that showed group masturbation...they did not feel like it was the same. I would note that they were now on TV, so to me, it's exactly the same. I'm not sure where the fine line is.

I have been perplexed by this. I have laughed....oh, I've laughed. How do you find a group like this? Is there an entrance exam to determine if you're right for the group, or the group is right for you? Can you observe once or twice before joining in? Or, if you do that, are you considered a watching perv, thereby negating your chance to join the group? Do you have to dress up? Can you show up without a shower first? If you like to hear special words being spoken to you, can the group accommodate that? and is there a limit? Is there a nap place afterwards, or do you have to get up, get dressed and get out? Are there snacks?...like a cheese and fruit plate?...petit fours?...sodas, wine? It just looked like a bunch of naked people in someone's living room...it didn't look that sexy. It just looked a little boring. I've never wanted to masturbate in a group just at someone's house. "Sure you can sit by me on the couch...but, FYI, as soon as the recliner becomes available, I'm outty." Also, does the group let you in on who's attending beforehand? What if you run into someone you know? Like maybe someone at your office? Is that sexy or a social transgression? Do you have to supply all of your necessities yourself?...or is there a special trunk or group fund? Is this run on some kind of schedule, like every third Thursday or the month? If you do this at home, have you then cheated on the group? Nagging questions, that were not addressed or undressed in the segment. And I'm not about to go looking for the answers either. I already get enough junk mail without being added to this mailing list. Would their mailouts include coupons and handing tips? Maybe a get to know a new member sections or recognition awards?

There I was, I obviously had the time to watch this segment on the TV. I was glued. It was a little like watching the monkeys at the zoo...what would they say or do next....couldn't predict.

Silly people. I've never been a fan of being a part of any group...too much responsibility. This group seems a lot to bother with just to masturbate. All that work for such a relaxing event.

Who has the time?

Some people have the time.

If I die before I learn to speak.

There are so many differences in people. And yet we're all the same. Just a puzzle...such a popular puzzle. How many self-help books are there? How many self-help groups are there?

I watched a weightloss commercial this week. The woman was skinny and running on the beach. In ever so tiny letters was the disclaimer that these results demonstrated weren't typical. The commercial was saying it's own product was shit...fucking brilliant.

In December, I finally met, face to face, Helen, from Earth Angel Oils. She's such a wonderful human. There in the big building, where all of the natural healing people where selling their wares, she really stood out. Everyone else was so shiny with their wares...too shiny. Helen's booth was a bit disorganized, and she was disorganized, trying to help everyone, trying to personally talk with and touch each person. There was open food and water containers in her booth...Trying to eat and work. She was the only real person that I saw. She was the only person who wasn't in it for the money. She really loves what she does, she really wants people to be better. I spent a lot of money at her table, because I wanted to be better, and felt that I was really touched by her. As I went to another booth, I was dismissed for another human because I didn't look like I had the money for what the table was offering. Oh, I had the money, but I wasn't going to spend it with people who only wanted to money. People never learn. Never judge a book by it's cover. Who hasn't heard that?

But that Helen, was a real person. A cool person. How fortunate I was to meet her. She works hard so we can enjoy life. Amazing.

I've been making progress. A little better each day. But, who's in it with me?

I woke up this morning to news of dying dolphins and children who's homes are being bombed. People killing eachother because that don't read the book, they look at the cover. At this pace, we will all die. We have a country of rule makers who don't follow the rules. I'm feeling a little pessimistic today. Yes, it's there...like a little hard rock.

I often tell stories of my live in small town Texas. All the violence, all the time. At work, one guy that I work with thinks that I just attract with type of violence. He says that there's no way that this town existed the way I describe it. That it must just be me. He was analyzing me. I thought to myself, how bigger,more educated people had tried this already, and it broke their brain. But, go ahead.

He felt like if this was all true it would be on the news, on one of those spotlight news shows. I told him that it was too spaced out, the fights, the deaths, no one pays attention to that. I used Iraq as an example, we have had enough deaths there to wipe out an entire town in Texas. An entire town, just gone. We would pay attention if a town disappeared, but when it's spread out...it doesn't fade us a bit.

He thought it was only a certain "type" of people that fought. He was raised in the suburbs in Houston. Houston being a violent town...yet, he never saw any of this. Didn't my town have those kind of walls? Nope. To small to have walls. It's bigger now. But, when I was growing up, everyone redneck fought. Rich, poor, white, black, brown....didn't matter. Nothing to do, but fight and drink. I did admit that I used to skip school and go to the museum. I never saw any fights at the museum. However, I did see a fight or two at the old Texas Houses, outside part of the museum. Did that count?

He just couldn't believe that I didn't attract it, make it up. I told him how lucky he was to be sheltered and to shelter himself from the outside.

It's what we do, isn't it. I don't have to leave my neighborhood for anything. Groceries, church, carwash, coffee, movies...whatever I want right here, all the time. I never have to see anything. I never have to work for anything.

My boss is fond of the saying, if you want to play, you have to get in the game.

We spend most of our life never knowing.

I showed this work guy the death statistics of my small town, and the town we live in now. The small town has this town way beat. I showed him the domestic violence statistics. The small town wins again. Last week there were several public shootings....Bonus. God, Guns and Guts.

And today, I'm tired. And staying in. I'm not doing a goddammed thing. How's that for getting in the game?